Later that same evening, Kani arrived home in time, worn out by the afternoon she had with her girlfriends. She was delighted by Tamia’s gesture to invite new faces to her birthday brunch. It was a simple way of making Kani more sociable towards having more sisters in her circle of friends.
However, she was skeptical about adding any new friends to her inner circle. It needed more time to get to know them, understand their character and motives in life, and notably gauge whether they are trustworthy and reliable as friends. ‘ Well, I guess I need to be more open ‘ Kani said while thinking loud
She cleaned up in the bathtub with hot water and later wore some comfortable pajamas for the night. Being an introvert, she picked up her journal and a pen and decided to write down her day on what turning 27 years meant in her life.
In her journal, she wrote;
Dear note to self,
Today marked the beginning of a new journey, yet seemed ordinary to many strangers who don’t know I exist in this world. However, I am both excited and anxious about turning today 27years old. A sense of panic is overflowing inside, making me question my existence and the journey I am on in my life.
You see, I never thought I would panic about my life existence and the journey I have had, yet still questioning my sense of self-worth. I am asking myself every day if I am desirable to any man? Do I have to change my outward demeanor, to be appealing to any man in my sight? Yet, we read books on self-development, they preach on being yourself is the hardest thing a woman can be in this generation.
After all, can I be myself, when being me is a repellant to the man I desire? If I conform to the beauty standards, it still feels like I am living a lie and pretending to be someone I am not. Or rather, the truth is I may not be open-minded to change, as my best friend Tamia keeps mentioning.
Another downside of conforming to beauty standards is that I always captivate the wrong kind of men in my life. This time I want to change my perspective in life; this means changing my routine, taking back my power, and visualizing the problem from a different perspective.
This is made possible if I let go of the idea of finding love and take a break from all of it. Changing a perspective will entail:
1. Keeping an arm’s length from negativity by managing the people around me as well as the content.
I cannot insist on how much ‘ advice I have been given on settling down soon enough. The problem isn’t finding any man like Peggy Carter said in the Agent Carter series — the problem is finding the right man for you.
2. Changing my inputs.
This means finding new sources of positive influences. Yes, I may take a break from dating, but I will read more books on dating and relationships generally speaking. This enables us to learn more and understand how proper dating works in the eyes of the Lord. Plus, I will be upto to tune out all the rumors the media talks about being single as a woman in her late twenties or men generally speaking; because the truth no one knows the whole story except the parties involved.
3. Managing my expectations.
Generally speaking, being upset comes from unmet expectations. The truth is you cannot change someone unless he is willing to change himself. I have learned this the hard way since I tend to have a nag of fixing everyone’s problems yet the other person is comfortable with that situation. This, in turn, manifests itself as a need for control of the other party.
It’s time I learn and appreciate the value of observation, as well as respecting people’s boundaries. This also helps in managing my expectations, since I am more aware of the fact that I am the only one who can make myself happy.
4. Acknowledge when something isn’t permanent.
It involves choosing to limit my time with a pessimist in any way.
I choose to participate in writing forums since I am a fan of literature and hopefully meet new friends with similar tastes in books. I also intend to focus on school, my career, and my family. I realized that I may have spent too much time looking for love yet neglected the people who love and cherish me.
Who knows, I may improve my cooking skills more since I am spending more time with my mother. I may learn my fashion style well enough if I spend more time with my girlfriends. It entails any vague fashion and looks that will better my appearance. I may want to travel more around the country and buy a camera to save photos for my future kids to see when they grow up.
Based on the above ways, I feel like 27 is a year of changing my perspective on love and life. Focus on new ones and making memories with each other. They say poetry is the tunnel at the end of the light, which is true in my case.
Kani put down her journal and smiled at her writing therapy which lifted her moods. Yes, this meant she is bound to embrace and adopt change in her life.
She switched off the light bulb on the lampstand next to her bed and went to sleep. During that sleep, she dreamt about new ideas and new beginnings that would arise in her life. Little did she know that 27 would be the year that changed her life soon enough.
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